Copyright © 1994 1995 David F. Norman
All Rights Reserved
The World's Greatest Detective
Alphonso was definitely the greatest detective in the whole world. If you didn't believe it, all you had to do was ask. Alphonso was one of those truly great souls who never bragged or brought his accomplishments out to parade in front of you.
However, don't ask such men if you really don't want to know; he had not a smidgen of false modesty. For example, if you were to ask Alphonso what he did best, he would reply, "I can find any kind of dope anywhere in the world". (Did you think this was a story about missing husbands and unfaithful wives?)
Well, sir, where I come from, any cat that can score anything, anywhere, has got to be the world's greatest detective.
Did you ever try to cop a little commercial toot in Nickel Creek, Texas? Alphonso could. He did. I was there.
Or did you ever try to score Thai sticks in Wamsutter, Wyoming? So help me, he did. I was in on that one, too. In fact, I pulled the request for Thai out of the clear blue sky to confirm a theory that I postulated after the Nickel Creek incident--and a few remarks Alphonso made around the campfire one night while in his tokes. From then on, Alphonso and I were never really broke or out of dope.
Hey, let's make one thing plain; Alphonso could find any kind of drugs from APCs to the finest white scag. Purple microdot, strawberry--you name it, he could get it. But he wouldn't. We agreed early on to only sell what we would use ourselves. (We ranked as heavyweight lightweights.) In other words, we smoked a lot and helped ourselves to a little nose candy from time to time, and that's all!
Lord, it was going great until Alphonso stepped in front of that fucking truck. Alphonso was absolutely The World's Greatest Detective; he just wasn't the world's greatest street crosser.
Copyright ©1994 1995 David F. Norman